


Thalassophobia

by hiraeth_skz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bang Chan is a Good Hyung, Bang Chan-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), M/M, No Smut, Pain, Peer Pressure, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiraeth_skz/pseuds/hiraeth_skz
Summary: Felix has thalassophobia and hides it... that backfires.TW FOR THALASSOPHOBIA AND ANXIETYThalassophobia is the phobia of deep water/sea creatures/dark water, so if those things trigger you, don’t read this.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix
Comments: 7
Kudos: 93





	Thalassophobia

Thalassophobia. The fear of bodies of water, often dark/ can’t see the bottom.  
A lot of people are scared of sharks, right? They wouldn’t go swimming with sharks?  
If Felix thinks for a few seconds too long about sharks, he can fall into a panic attack.  
A lot of people don’t want to dive deep, right? They don’t enjoy it?  
Felix would scream and cry and fight to stay out of the water.  
He had such an extreme degree of this phobia that he couldn’t swim, even in a kiddie pool he could push himself into an anxiety attack.  
But he didn’t tell his members about it. He was so incredibly afraid that they would judge him, make fun of him. Logically, he knew they would never do that. They were better than that. But his anxiety was teaming with the phobia to tear him apart and torture him.  
That’s why his heart was trying to jump out of his chest when they were trying to pick a movie to watch.  
“Can we do horror?” Minho suggested.  
Felix looked up. Horror didn’t sound too bad.  
But then Han whipped his head up. “No, hyung, no horror, you’re so evil.”  
Felix sighed internally. Of course Han hated horror.  
“You suggest something then,” Minho scoffed.  
“No, don’t put this on me,” Han glared at Minho.  
Seungmin had been flipping his head between Han and Minho. “Why not one of those shark thriller things?”  
Felix’s breath hitched and he tensed, immediately forcing a wall in his brain to keep out intrusive thoughts.  
“Oh, like, Deep?” Hyunjin asked.  
“I’ve already seen that,” Chan offered.  
Oh, thank god. The lovely blessing of a soul that Chan was.  
“How about Jaws?” Minho suggested. “Hey- look, I know we’ve all seen it, I know, but it’s been a while, no? We’re not looking for some super exciting thing, right? Just something to fall asleep to.”  
Oh, how Felix wished to scream at that moment.  
“Uhm, can we-” Felix began, voice small. “Can we maybe not watch one of those shark movies? They make me a little uncomfortable.”  
“Scared of sharks, Lix?” Hyunjin teased.  
“Jaws isn’t even scary,” Jeongin piped.  
Felix chuckled dryly, looking down. “Yeah, I guess not. It’s fine by me, honestly.”  
He regretted everything. He regretted life, he regretted speaking, he regretted sharks. Maybe if he looked up, he would’ve noticed the concerned glances Chan and Minho were exchanging on Felix’s behalf.  
“It’s a plan?” Changbin asked.  
There was a small chorus of agreement.  
Felix wasn’t going to enjoy the night.

***

Lix made sure to sit on the edge of the couch, in somewhere easy to make an escape or to avoid looks from members. Or to duck his head into the armrest and disguise his fear as exhaustion. Chris was beside him, then Minho, Hyunjin, and Jeongin. Han and Changbin were on the ground and Seungmin was curled into an armchair  
Chan was sneaking glances at Felix, concerned for him since he looked very nervous and distant. But he didn’t want to say anything- not now, not in front of everyone.  
They were a good twenty minutes into the movie. The woman was swimming in the water, the vast sea, waves rocking around her, foam frothing at the peaks of the water. The ocean was dark, too dark.  
And this was enough to trigger Felix. Yes, he’d already been uncomfortable, but this was it- the obscureness of the situation, the eerie blankness of the surroundings of the poor woman, that was too much.  
Lix stifled a scream and slammed his palms over his ears, shutting his eyes, trying not to cry. But he saw deeper, more ominous waters when he shut his eyes. Tears slid down his cheeks and he thrust himself off of the couch, slamming himself shut in his room, and slumping onto the floor to cry. Between his sobs and hands over his ears, he couldn’t hear his members’ worried, scared exclamations. But he didn’t care. All he was trying to do at this point was block out more triggering thoughts. He was trying his best not to scream and wail in fear, trying to chase off the anxiety attack.  
There were knocks on his door.  
He ignored them, barely processing the sounds. He was hitting his head with his wrists, desperate. Dark, murky waters, sea monsters, black pits, drowning, swarmed his head.  
“Felix.”  
Who was that?  
“Felix, what’s wrong? Can I come in?” It was Chan.  
Felix sucked in a breath and tried to exhale, but a whimper and a sob broke his smooth breath. He shook, tucking his head between his knees.  
He was on the ground.  
He was NOT in the water.  
He was okay.  
He didn’t believe any of those thoughts though. He only believed that water was horrible.  
The door opened. Then it shut again. Footsteps approaching him. A person kneeling down next to him.  
“Felix, what’s wrong? Please, what happened?” Chan begged.  
Felix couldn’t manage to get his voice to work. He gripped at his hair, monsters and the feeling of drowning shaking him.  
“You’re scaring me, what do I do?” Chan asked.  
Chris grabbed one of Felix’s hands, gently holding his trembling fingers. Felix coughed and looked up at Chan, the worried expression on his face only scaring him more. Felix stretched out his legs and fell into Chan’s chest, feeling his grounding arms around his waist.  
Chan was there. It was dry, it was land. But in his head, he was drowning.  
“Shh,” Chan hushed. “It’s okay, what’s wrong?”  
Felix’s words just got caught in his throat and he cried. He was so scared, he just cried. He tightened his arms around Chris’s chest, needing to know that Chan was okay.  
“‘Sokay, I’m right here Felix, I’m right here.”  
Was Chan reading his mind? No, Chan would be freaking out too if he was.  
But Chan was trying his best to help. He didn’t know what was happening, he was worried and he was scared. He just rubbed circles in Felix’s back, letting Felix sink into his arms.  
“Water,” Felix choked.  
“What?” Chan said immediately.  
“Water, it’s water, water,” Felix mumbled. “Drowning.”  
“What? Here? You’re safe. You’re not drowning, Felix, I’m right here, I’m here for you,” Chan rushed, not exactly knowing what was happening.  
“No.”  
Felix couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t, but there was one thing in his mind that he could use to convince himself that it was okay- Chris. So he tried. He tried for ten minutes, cradled in Chan’s arms, tried to fix his thoughts. Fix them. He was broken.  
“It’s okay,” Chan whispered. At this point, his legs were crossed and Felix was at his side, wrapped around him. Chan was just trying to help, but it was hard when he didn’t know what was wrong. He drew the younger into his lap as his cries softened. Felix pressed his tear-streaked face into Chan’s chest, trying to block out both the thoughts and the world. What a fun mixture. Felix cried quietly, eyes slammed shut, clenching the back of Chan’s hoodie. He wrapped his legs around Chan’s waist, clinging onto him for dear life.  
“‘Sokay, baby, I’m right here,” Chan comforted, running his fingers over Felix’s back.  
Felix was just repeating those words over and over in his mind. Chan was there. And it was okay. Just repeating them until he could take deep breaths, until he could think straight. Once he was able to, he sat back on Chan’s legs, looking at the elder, terrified.  
“Felix, what’s happening?” Chan asked nervously. “Did we do something wrong?”  
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Felix choked.  
“Oh, alright, what’s happening?”  
Felix took a deep, shuddering breath and swallowed. “Nothing.”  
Chan furrowed his eyebrows. “No, it’s definitely something.”  
“Uh-uh.” Felix shook his head.  
“Do you just not wanna tell me?”  
Felix shook his head again and looked down. He wiped tears from his face nervously.  
He didn’t want Chan to know. He knew Chan would just laugh at him or shrug it off.  
“Hmm,” Chan frowned with concern, looping his arms around Felix’s waist. “Well, I can’t make you tell me if you don’t want to, but I won’t judge you for anything, I won’t laugh at you for anything, I won’t try and make anything worse. But you look- and seem miserable, and I just wanna help you, Felix, I just wanna help.”  
Was that true though?  
Well- given the circumstances, Chan could probably already tell what was wrong. He has probably already guessed what was happening, Felix didn’t make it very hard to find out.  
“Really?” Felix choked, looking up and tracing the concern of Chan’s face.  
“Yeah, really.”  
Felix sighed, debating whether or not to tell Chris. He didn’t wanna tell him, but he did NOT wanna have another anxiety attack because of a mistake.  
“Thalassophobia,” Felix said slowly, wondering why he was saying it.  
He didn’t know what part of his brain made him say that, and based on Chan’s confused face, he didn’t either.  
“I don’t know what that means,” Chan admitted.  
Felix nodded. He should have known. Now he had to explain… ew.  
“Fear of- fear of water, bodies of water. Well- not fear, phobia,” Felix explained.  
It clicked in Chan’s mind. His mouth fell open a little bit. He pulled Felix back into a hug, holding him apologetically tight.  
“I’m so sorry,” Chan mumbled into Felix’s neck. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”  
“‘Sokay,” Felix said, but the tears choking his voice and the insane tightness he was squeezing Chan with said differently.  
“Oh, honey, you should’ve told us,” Chan insisted.  
“I know,” Felix sniffed. “I was scared to say.”  
“Oh…” Chris felt like crying. “I’m so sorry, Felix, I should have known, I’m sorry. It’s my fault, I noticed something but I didn’t say anything, I’m sorry.”  
This isn’t what Felix expected, but he didn’t like it either. It wasn’t Chan’s fault, but he should have forseen this. He should have known that Chan’s people-pleasing ass would have taken the blame. But it wasn’t actually anybody’s fault, it wasn’t something Felix could control, it was his fault for not telling them. It truly was his mistake.  
“It’s not your fault,” Felix insisted. “It’s- well, it’s not mine either, I should’ve just told you. I’m sorry, I’m stupid.”  
“Uh-uh, you’re not stupid, it’s okay. I- I just- I wish we could’ve just avoided this or something, I hate seeing you cry,” Chan mutered.  
“I’m sorry,” Felix whispered.  
“흠,” Chris breathed. “I’m so sorry. What was this- anxiety or panic attack?”  
“Anxiety,” Felix answered.  
“I feel so bad, Felix, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t worry, hyung, I can’t die from it or anything,” Felix sighed.  
“I know, but I hate seeing you sad.”  
“I- I- I hate being sad.”  
“Well, from now on, I’ll keep that in mind, okay?” Chan decided as Felix pulled away, sitting back on his lap.  
Felix sniffed and wiped his face with his small hands. “Thank you,” he whimpered.  
“I’ll tell the others, or you can, if you want, okay?”  
“I’d better tell them, otherwise it'll seem like you’re mad at them. But- thank you, honestly,” Felix muttered.  
“Nothing to thank me for.”  
“But thank you.”  
Chan put his hand on Felix’s face, wiping tears from his cheekbone. He smiled slightly and Felix mirrored the face.  
“You’re safe,” Chan whispered.  
Safe.  
He was safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is so bad, i’m sleep deprived :)  
> This was really hard for me to write since I’ve got awful thalassophobia, but I did it cause projection, it helped me a bit but I almost spiraled into an anxiety attack, so please be nice if you choose to comment... thanks <3


End file.
